Ahaana..

She stretched her toes as much as she could and managed to peep down from that dust stained window to see her mom leave.She excitedly ran across the room to the other end and pulled out the trunk from under the bed.
With all the milk , that her mother made her swig every morning, she had now become one strong 8 year old girl, who could manage to move that bulky piece of furniture.

'Orange....I love orange the most....Mom looks like a queen in this one' she thought,
and pulled out that dazzling Orange saree from the bundle of clothes in the trunk.She had seen Mom go round and round with it. So she grabbed an end of that long cloth in one hand and started rotating haphazardly in it.

'Ringa ringa roses...pocket full of moses..haisha huisha...and all fall ....'

Humming,she tripped here and there,but she did not fall.
The mirror was still too high for her.With help of the emptied bucket turned upside down,she managed to climb over and blush to the mirror.That glimmering pink face made the 'orange' shy away.Those huge jhumkas were almost as big as her face but she loved how they hung from her tiny little earlobes and acted like personal customized wind chimes.

Just when she was treating the lipstick like a crayon and coloring outside the lines...bang! the door opened.

"Ahana!!! what the hell do you think you are doing??"
The bagful of vegetables fell from her hand and she looked with stark surprise at her scarily overgrown daughter.

"How many times have I told you not to touch my things..you just don't listen to me"

"But Ma...I am a big girl now,I want you to stay home and take rest,I'll go for work...this is how you go to work na"

"Don't argue with me,and don't you ever try to play with my stuff again,this is not a game!!do you understand that,you are not big enough yet,you just play with your toys and study,come here....let me take those things off you right now!!"

Bubbling with sinless innocence,Ahaana was a pampered and protected kid.Although,sometimes she would ask when would dad visit,but most of the time it dint bother her much.There were hardly any dads around,people who looked like they were someone's dad would just come and go.

School was fun,she was smart.She liked the uniform,her dolls,her running aimlessly in the small verandah,helping mom cook...she was happy,she didnt know she wasn't any regular girl.

"Pinku's eye broke Ma.....can we buy a new teddy?"
"Let me see....I think we can fix pinku's eye.. gimme that needle..."
"But ma,i got him on my 7th birthday....Iam 10 years old now...Pinku is getting old,he is no fun now"
"Ahaana...you know I can't buy you new clothes and toys that often right?"
"Yes ma,don't worry ma....soon i'll be 16,then you can't stop me,Sam uncle has promised he'll give me a job when ill be 16"

With the last stitch in Pinku..a teardrop travelled from her cheek to pinku's freshly fixed eye.
"Yes....you'd be sixteen...I can't stop you...I can't stop them.."

There were three knocks on her door. She was tired, but there wasn't much choice she had. She just looked at herself briskly in the mirror.She put up that red bindi stuck on the mirror matching her saree and alongwith the flamboyantly red lipstick, pasted a fake smile to go.

Ahaana....its time, open the door!

She looked at the clock once and opened the door.Threw that fake smile at him.
She let him in and bolted the door.

A lot had changed...though Pinku still had a broken eye...

If The Sea Spoke...

Lazing around, the Sun float just above the sea,taking power naps in between the clouds.The sea  lay their calmly letting all its azure mix with the orange , and I like a true artist sat their admiring the painting, this natural canvas was.

With coffee in one hand, in that tiny plastic glass of thinness extending to invisibility I kept staring at the other empty hand.

'Empty'..more often than not it is staggering how we constrain ourselves to the presupposed meanings of words, feelings and life thereafter.I mean what is with the whole flim flam about the glass being half empty or half full.Why does EMPTY have to be pessimism,what if I chose empty. Empty tells me that there hasn't been an instance filling enough for me to settle and hence there is a hope and en devour to go on.

"Excuse me ma'am...is this yours??"

"No!!"

As soon as that unconsciously  prompt reply came out I realized I should have at least faked a thought process for the 'NO' to be believable.

"But I saw you drop it"

"aa...mmm...noo...I did not "

He looked at me with obvious disbelief.He extended his arm to handover the RING to me as if my 'no' meant squat to him.

He wore a pale blue shirt sloppily tucked in with denims too clean to match the 'waist above'.His hair had pleasingly settled somewhere between the 'I don't have a comb' to the 'out of the bed' look.For his eyes...I dunno,they were real..scary real.As if they saw through me, if I looked at em any longer..they would tell me things I didn't want to know.

As if my body took a sudden disconnect from my brain,my hand moved to pick up that ring lying on his palm..and it stayed there.It stayed there for good long 5 secs.As soon as the temporary shut down of the nervous system extinguished, I detached my palm from his ,along with the ring and started gazing elsewhere.

You know how sometimes amidst a broken wish, you wish for some silly little illogical thing for a 'mirage' comfort.At that moment I wished he would stay...

.............................................................................

There is nothing ataractic enough than walking beside the sea.I like how I get a choice to either gaze endlessly at the sea to question the unanswered or to absorb myself into the cacophonous display of lives that this venue had to offer.

This evening I chose the latter.

That couple desperately needed to get a room, that kid was cute, but pain in the ass for his mom dad who could not manage to shoo him away with an ice cream.Those bunch of college kids obviously bunked their class but were low on cash to go anywhere else.

There she was...dressed in a yellow and red complementing the sunset.Sitting alone lost in appreciating the sunset,she was doing what I had opted out from today.She had a story,like we all do and from what I saw,she was here to discover her own story.With coffee in one hand, she wiped that mini tear rolling down her cheek with the other hand.It seemed as if there was a rush of emotions inside,but her exterior was in denial.As I continued to stare...peacefully,she took off a ring from her 'engagement' finger and threw it away,which landed up right next to me.

"Excuse me ma'am...is this yours??"

"No!!"

The 'is this yours' part was just for courtesy sake,I wasn't sure if I wanted to impose myself on her by letting her know that I was watching her throughout her charade.

"But I saw you drop it"

"aa...mmm...noo...I did not "

I wish she was more affirmative,there would have been a inexpiable happiness inside of me if I knew she was sure of not wanting that ring back.If she would look at me,it was loud and clear that I could see through her...see through the pain.In a hope that she would apprehend what I offered to say silently, I extended my hand to NOT return the ring.She looked at me.Her face had gone pale from the sleepless dreams.Half of her hair laid over her forehead and half tucked behind her ears.Her ears wore tiny diamond earings matching the shine in her eyes.Those were pretty eyes...eyes that had not been looked into enough.

She raised her hand to pick up the ring ,our eyes met ..for how long I don't know,for those few seconds..time paused.And suddenly she picked up the ring and gazed away.

You know how sometimes amidst a life full of reality, you wish something stupidly meaningless to happen,just to break the routine.At that moment....I wish she would turn back...

..............................................................................................................

I just sat there,not knowing what to do...but knowing what I wanted to. There were bigger questions and problems to be solved,but at that moment I was just struggling with  whether or not to turn around.

I did...he left..

I stood there for a while,what was I expecting,I did't know.This wasn't a movie...obviously my presence here was insignificant.Those eyes had left an impression...but they didn't look back...I left.

............