Cure,Love,Kill Etc...

My hands were shuddering, while the rest of my body parts denied their co-existence and stood frozen in front of his soulless frame.His eyes ogled into me as the blood-pouring knife lay there as an alibi. I looked at my hands once again,they were red with fear,but no blood.

I have always wanted him to be dead but I never thought I would kill him.

"Were you high on cocaine again??"

"Why don't you believe me,I have not touched it ever since I have started with your medication."

How could I have killed him,I hardly use the knife to cut vegetables,how can I possibly peirce through someone's intestines and go back to sleep..no matter how much I hate him!!

"But there was nobody else around,the weapon has your fingerprints...how would I explain ..."

"I DID NOT KILL HIM,I DID NOT....don't let me die ....I don't want go to Jail...don't let me go.."

"Ok ok ...we don't have to panic,I won't let you go anywhere,just relax,I am there."

These six months have been life-altering for me.

I would come home late,drenched with potion,devoid of my senses.I could hear her scream,but my eardrums were accustomed to the cacophonous noises confined in those walls.

I wanted to sleep soundless,so went to their room to shut the door that he had never felt the need to close.
She was on the floor,without any urge to get up.

People usually told me that I had my mother's smile.I wouldn't know,I had never seen her smile.

I looked at her,our eyes met.The blood veins breached of pain.I took a step ahead to extend my hand to pull her up but I knew she would just push me away.With a mind grappled with thoughts,I just shunned away everything that I saw and rushed to my room.

I pulled out the white packet from under the mattress and hastily dissolved a spoon of it in the glass all ready with the right amount of water. As the hollow syringe pulled in the thick white liquid, there were bubbles of expectations in my heart. Then I let the syringe drill in some more tolerance into my soul.

I had been living such nights forever,until I met him,Dr.Khan.

It must have been a god-planned coincidence,how else would you explain me going in search to refill my usual stock and end up at a psychiatrist.

"Does he hurt you too??"

 I just needed an eyebrow raised and a voice pitched with concern for me,and I was ready to pour my heart out.

"No,he does not care much for my existence".

Ever since he pulled out, one sperm less from inside of her,me and Ma have been pretty much on our own.

She hotfoots all around the house every morning ,cooking,feeding,cleaning and washing.I wouldn't know where does she get the humongous courage from, to flip the roti ,for him who burned the same hand last night.

I would talk about Ma for hours with him.I didn't realize,but it gave me strength.That is how he taught me to eat,walk,sleep without diluting my body enzymes with external soothing help.

She wore the pink ,that Khan pushed me to buy her for her birthday.I don't remember the last time she wore something new.Her lips took a break from being swollen and matched the color of the saree , that is the closest we could get her to smile.

"How did she like the perfume??"

"Sir...its been two hours...your next patient is waiting outside"

"I have told you I won't be taking anymore patients while she is here....send them back,I am busy for a month"

Me and Khan were beyond Dr and patient now.He would take me out for shopping and dinner,things I had never done,love that I had never felt.Every time we went out,we bought something for Ma and I quietly use to keep it in her wardrobe.

"She smelled different,I think she liked it."

I was happy...I knew I could live now...I could live for Khan.I would buy a home far away and take Ma with me.She would not want to go ,but I'd persuade her.

"He used Belt today...I saw the marks"

The glass of water in his hand crashed forthwith,piercing through his skin, went in the brittle pieces of glass as I saw a sudden rush of rage run through brows.

"Khan..Are you ok ??"
"Yeah...cheap glasses we bought....nothing"

No,she would not go out with us.I tried asking her once on Khan's insistence but she gave me a look that said, I had asked her for the forbidden.Anything that would let fresh air touch her,was crime.

"Ma killed him...Ma killed him because of me"

"She could not have,you told me she left town for a day"

Ma had never left me alone with that monster,why only that day she had to suddenly leave town,I never really cared to ask till then.

"Your tests say Cocaine.....in high amount"

I didn't know what to say,I had broken windows ,crashed car,rolled down the stairs.

 Kill my own father!!

I could not have done that and forgotten.

Khan said he knew lawyers,just a few months and I'll be out.

They declared me insane.I could take that for Ma...if accused,she would die...she would refuse to live.

They had my hands clutched with handcuffs as they took me to the reception area. I looked at Khan,he stood there with a smirk-ish smile,which my eyes read as a confirmation that he would come back soon.

I entered the rehab with a firm thought of me walking out in a month.

"So...when do I see you again??"

"Soon..."

"Take care of Ma ...." 
my voice shrieked through the glass windows as i stared,until I saw the last bit of him abandon

The soon never came...I never heard of Ma...
Who knew....Ma was well taken care of...

"Send the next patient in...."

THE END


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